A quick aside, dear readers, before I get into the meat of this post– I have noticed that my posts that use song lyrics seem to get a lot more hits than the other ones. I guess it’s sort of cheating…all these unsuspecting fans of a certain song (tonight, Matchbox Twenty’s latest — yes I listen to Star 98.7, what’s it to you?) coming to look for the lyrics of the song and instead they stumble upon Little Miss Law’s latest ramblings. Welcome, Rob Thomas fans, welcome. Take off your shoes and make yourselves at home.
Anyway, the real topic of this post has been inspired by the trip I’m about to make up to see my family for Thanksgiving. Even though I graduated from high school and moved away close to 10 years ago, whenever I go home for the holidays I feel like I’ve been magically transported back to 1998 or earlier, sleeping in my old room, looking through old photos, seeing old friends, and just having general flashbacks to how it felt to be the angsty, teenaged version of Little Miss Law.
So, how far have I come in the past 10 years? In some ways, I’m definitely not the adult that I expected to be. If you had asked 17-year-old LML what she saw her 27-year-old self doing, I guarantee I would have envisioned myself married, maybe with a child, living in a house in the ‘burbs. I would have said that 27 year old me was certainly either a teacher or a social worker, certainly using my Spanish, probably living in Oregon. If someone had looked into a crystal ball and told me that I’d be a lawyer living in Los Angeles, working for a corporate law firm, I would have scoffed. That was so far afield of what I could have envisioned. Not to mention, if you had told me that I wouldn’t meet the love of my life in college, I think I would have been crushed. (Actually, I thought that my high school boyfriend was the one well into my freshman year of college.)
All through college and even in law school, whenever I’d go back up and see my friends, I felt the need to bring my cutest clothes, dress trendy, prove that I’d come out of my semi-nerdy shell from high school. Now I don’t do that anymore. First of all, let’s be honest, I’m still a little nerdy and not incredibly stylish. Also, I think I’m finally at a point where I can say that I’m happy with who I am, and I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
The true test of that will be my 10 year high school reunion, coming up in ‘08. For a while I was thinking that I wouldn’t want to go because everyone else would be married with kids. The last thing I would want, I thought, was for people to look at me with pity because I’m single. Then a lightbulb went on. First of all, as I said, I’m very peaceful with my life. Also, everyone has their own neuroses. Some people will be worried about being single, some people might be divorced; some will be unhappy at their jobs; some will have gained weight since high school; and on and on. And I’m sure that everyone will be too busy either thinking about themselves, or enjoying catching up, to be judging the other people. In fact, at my 5 year college reunion people were really impressed that I’m a lawyer, which I found funny (since almost everyone I know these days is a lawyer, it just seems so unremarkable to me) , but I bet I’d get a similar reaction at my high school reunion.
I’d love to let go of all the insecurities and neuroses of the 17-year old LML…but I’d also like to hold onto parts of her. The innocent, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed part. The undyingly optimistic and romantic part. Maybe it’s getting older, maybe it’s the last 10 years of experiences, maybe it’s the logic that comes with practicing law…but those parts can feel hard to hold onto sometimes.
At any rate, with that navel gazing I will wish my dear readers good night and Happy Thanksgiving!
PS. Since one of my most loyal readers (ahem, Mom) complained to me the other day that I tend to leave my readers hanging, I should share that I met my cyber-crush, and yes, he translates quite nicely in real life. 
More later…
5 Comments
November 21, 2007 at 9:22 am
I can relate to everything you have written in this post. I had my 10 year reunion last year, and believe me, I was in a very tiny majority of folks who had never been married and/or had kids.
And they are all impressed with the lawyer thing, which really is kind of funny. But kind of embarrassing, too.
But like you said, everyone is too worried about their own insecurities to worry about what is lacking (or what you think is lacking) in your life.
Happy Thanksgiving!
November 25, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Hi, LML. This is my second trip around the blogosphere and I stumbled upon your blog while looking for law blogs. Your writing is awesome and I just wanted to say that I think your blog is great.
I’ll be a daily reader from here on out. Keep it up!
November 27, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Hi LML, You’re right when you say that others will be more concerned with themselves than you, but it is also true that they will be checking you out. Make no mistake–everyone at a reunion is curious to see who got fat, who’s going bald, who is pregnant, which wallflower blossomed into a hottie, did the kids who were so popular turn into successful adults, etc. etc. But that is just a small part of it. Try to relax and have a good time. Your lawyer status will be very impressive, I’m sure!
December 7, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Glad to see I’m not the only one who has made it to that zen moment.
January 11, 2008 at 10:12 pm
[...] is also used as a way to remind us how far we have come and how far we have yet to go. It could be the 20-something college student who is graduating this year after he worked his way [...]