My cat saved my life.

Ok, so that may be a bit dramatic. Noodles didn’t literally save my life. He’s not Lassie or anything. If I fell down a well (or, you know, slipped in the shower, the apartment-life version of falling down the well) I don’t have much confidence that he would run and find someone to save me. (First of all, how would he get out of the apartment? But I digress.)

So what happened is this. I had an 8:30 am court appearance in Riverside…65 miles from my apartment which in L.A. traffic could take forever. I set my alarm on my cell phone to 4:45 am, to allow myself to shower, get ready (in my slow moving way) and get gas before heading out at 6 am. I forced myself to go to sleep at 10 pm.

Several hours later I was dead asleep when I was awakened by the sound of meowing. Loud meowing. Noodles was meowing his pretty little head off. I rolled over sleepily to check the time on my phone and discovered that my phone was off! I leapt out of bed, heart racing, and ran to the kitchen to check the time. I was sure that I’d see it was already 6 am and I’d be screwed.

What time was it? That’s right — 4:45 a.m. on the nose. Noodles was officially the hero of the morning. I have never been so grateful to be woken by Noodles at the crack of dawn.

That was actually the most eventful part of my day…court went well, the day went by peacefully, and now I am sitting with my hero at my side and watching the season finale of The Hills. (Can I just mention how envious I am of Lauren and Whitney going to Paris??)

On a final note before I turn to my Netflix, thank you, dear readers, for weighing in on my poll from yesterday. I’ve always thought pickiness can be good…I’m glad I’m not alone in that sentiment!

At least he didn’t shoot the messenger…

This week, dear readers, I seem to have a lot of law fodder for the blog, since mostly all I’ve been doing this week is working!  Those of you who enjoy the “Law” part of Little Miss Law are in luck; those of you who enjoy something juicier will just have to wait until I emerge from my bubble and (maybe) have a life again.

 I had an endless morning in court today.  The judge’s calendar started at 8:30 am.  Since I was filing an ex parte application (which means you file it the same day, so the court doesn’t have advance notice) I was at the tail end of the calendar.  Some judges are speedy and just whip through their calendars.  Not so this judge.  If he were in the fable about the Tortoise and the Hare, he would make the tortoise look like a frickin’ racehorse. 

To top it all off, once it was almost 1:00 pm, he finally called our case.  Two minutes later, we were headed out the door, him having just DENIED my application to continue the trial date.  It sucks to lose in court.  It sucks even worse when the motion isn’t even opposed.  (I won’t go into that.)  But the judge said we can give it another go if we submit a declaration from our client explaining exactly why he’s going to be out of town when the trial was going to be.  “This sounds like a vacation,” observed the judge.

As it turns out, it was a vacation (which I didn’t know at the time, the partner having refused for some reason to answer my questions about this) and now, guess who gets to go in next week armed with a declaration from our client that says “sorry, I haven’t taken a vacation in a year and a half and I forgot to tell my lawyers that my wife scheduled it”?  Who is going to once again go down in flames?  Yes, yes, that would be yours truly.  Today the judge was surprisngly “measured” (opposing counsel’s description) with me, saying that he didn’t want to “shoot the messenger,” but if & when I go back again as the messenger, I have a feeling I will take a big ol’ shot. 

Sigh.

Anyway, the upside of this whole thing is that the morning calendar in court was, for the most part, highly entertaining.  I could regale you with loads of stories – but any of you law nerds can put in a special request for that.  For now, I’ll just say that I saw some of the most atrocious lawyering I have ever seen.  And not just bad arguments — though there was plenty of that — but more fundamental mistakes like not listening to the actual questions the judge was asking (and so saying something totally unresponsive), interrupting the judge, and being generally, blithely unaware of the times when there was practically smoke coming out of the judge’s ears and he looked like he wanted to punch somebody.   As lawyers know, law school teaches you little to nothing about real lawyering.  Well, I think that a lot of lawyers (and people in general of course, but I’ll pick on lawyers for the moment) just need a seminar in good old fashioned people skills.  Seriously, people.

My favorite hearing was about whether a lawyer should be sanctioned by the court.  The facts were this:  the case was set to start trial this past Tuesday the 27th.  In a pre trial conference the lawyer (defense counsel) told the court that he had another trial in Burbank the same day, but that it might settle.  All last week before Thanksgiving, plaintiff’s counsel called defense counsel to find out whether the trial was going on, to find out if he had to have his 3 witnesses for the first day of trial fly out from the East Coast on Monday.  Defense counsel doesn’t tell plaintiff’s counsel until 4 pm on Monday that no, the Burbank case hadn’t settled so the witnesses didn’t need to come.  Of course, by then the witnesses were already flying in.

There was a whole dispute about who told who what, and when, and on not one, not two, but many occasions, defense counsel had the audacity to say “English isn’t my first language, Your Honor, but…”  What really sent the judge over the edge was when defense counsel remarked, “Your Honor, these witnesses didn’t really need to fly out, this was just grandstanding to pressure my client into settlement.”  I honestly saw the judge make a subtle movement forward as though inspired to leap over and tackle the attorney.  Instead, he told defense counsel firmly that the statement was “not to his credit,” picked up his pen and started writing.   And writing.  And writing.  For what seemed like an eternity, you could hear a pin drop in the courtroom as the judge wrote out his order.  Finally, he stopped writing and read the order aloud.  Bottom line: the attorney had to pay the other party over $6000 to cover the witnesses’ travel expenses.

Moral of the story:  1)  Return your phone calls.  2)  When the judge looks like he wants to kill you, keep your mouth shut.

I promise you more fun stories in the coming days, dear readers!  Happy almost-Friday!

Bloggity Bloggity

Apropos of nothing: is there a cuter TV couple than Jim and Pam on The Office? Yes, I know, how very 2 years ago. And yes, I know that in real life, John Krasinski is rumored to be somewhat of an ass. (Stop breaking my heart!) But I was just watching them quip with each other and laugh together in that sweet way and it made me smile. Shmoop, shmoop.

After a rough night last night in which I had the worst stomach pain I’ve ever had (once the pain eased up, I pulled the classic and ill-advised move of Googling my own symptoms, and I even called Knittikins and asked her what her appendicitis felt like), and a rough day in which I had to shlep up to court in Glendale still feeling icky, I am now feeling more like myself. I have almost survived to the end of the week and, more importantly, I am beginning to put things into perspective. It’s easy to get bogged down with the details of my job and forget to see the overall picture of my life and all the choices I have, so getting to step back is a very nice thing.

A couple of words on my court appearance in Glendale. First of all, Glendale might as well be Egypt for as long as it took to get back from there. Coming up on the 405 interchange from the 101, I saw a hideous lineup of cars, and thought, Ah ha! I’ll beat all these suckers by getting off the freeway, making my way down to Ventura, cutting back to Beverly Glen and taking that over the hill and right back to the office. Of course, everyone else had the same genius idea….

Anyway, what really struck me about my time in Glendale is how much power judges really have over their cases. By way of background, in L.A. there is a mediation program in the superior court system. Mediators volunteer ther time, parties don’t have to pay for it, and mediation is all but mandatory. This case I appeared for today isn’t one I have worked on, but both the partner and the associate were on international vacations (lucky ducks) so I got to take one for the team. It went something like this:

Judge: How do the parties feel about mediation?
Little Miss Law: Well, your Honor, we have explained all of the ADR options to our client, and she isn’t interested in pursuing mediation at this time.
Judge: Ok.
(pause; Little Miss Law breathes an internal sigh of relief.)
Judge: But, that really isn’t up to her. I’m referring the case to mediation. So go downstairs and pick a mediator.

Al righty then!

This weekend promises to be fun and relaxing — a mellow birthday celebration with Knittikins, the sisters and the Baron tomorrow; my friend D.’s big gala on Saturday night (finally, another chance to wear the gorgeous dress I bought for my firm’s holiday party last year!) and on Sunday, a wind-down with Knittikins at Burke Williams. Exactly what I need…ahhh.

I’m also planning on ordering one of the many books about legal and nonlegal career options for lawyers, and I welcome any inspiring ideas from you, dear readers!

Ring a Ding Ding Part II

It has been a very long day, dear readers, but I felt compelled to finish it off with a blog. I woke up bright and early to drive to court this morning; sat outside the courtroom for almost an hour reviewing all the papers that had been filed in the case; sat in the courtroom for an hour and a half while the judge dealt with other cases; and then the judge finally told us that he would “feel more comfortable” if he could have more time to review all the papers in the case. Seriously? He then reset the case for hearing on Friday. If he isn’t prepared by then, I think I’ll scream.

But on to the real topic for today. Over the weekend, a date came and went without much thought. A day that, had I followed a different path, would have been extremely important to me: my wedding day.

This week also marks a year since my ex-fiance and I broke up. When we first broke up, I thought that when this day came around — the day that was to be our wedding day — it would be incredibly heartbreaking. I thought I’d have to plan a trip or a party or something to distract myself from the absence of that event. I imagined lots of tears, lots of nostalgia, maybe some regrets.

I’m happy to say, though, that I didn’t have any of those reactions. Not sadness, not nostalgia and certainly not regret. To be honest, since I was working the better part of the day (on a Saturday – such is life) I didn’t even think about it that much. But when I have thought about it recently, the biggest thing I have felt is relief. There are few worse feelings than being with someone who isn’t right for you–especially if that someone is incredibly sweet and generous and loving, as my ex was. Toward the end of our relationship, every sweet and kind thing that he did for me just made me feel more and more guilty and more and more conflicted. How can I let someone go who loves me so much? I thought. But how can I stay when in my heart it just feels wrong?

I knew that us breaking up would be the right thing in the long run. I hope that, a year later, he sees that too.

In the last few months, all my friends seem to be getting married or engaged or in serious relationships. Again, you’d think that this would make me nostalgic or regretful or envious. But to the contrary, I am relieved — because I can imagine how happy I’ll be when I find the person I’m supposed to be with, I know I haven’t found him yet, and till then, dear readers, I am happy and patient.

Much like the song I’m in love with right now by the Wreckers: (ignore the cigarettes, old dirt roads and country songs)

Got my headlights shining
Down an old dirt road
Smoke my cigarettes
I should quit I know

The radio’s playing
Old country songs
Someone’s leaving, someone’s cheating
On and on

I think I might like
The quiet nights
Of this empty life

[Chorus]
‘Cause someday maybe
Somebody will love me like I need
And someday I won’t have to prove
‘Cause somebody will see
all my worth but until then
I’ll do just fine on my own
With my cigarettes
And this old dirt road

See I left another
Good man tonight
I wonder if he’ll miss me
Lord knows I tried

But I think that maybe
The thing that I did wrong
Was put up with his bullshit
For far too long

I think I might like
The quiet nights
Of this empty life

[Chorus]

I ain’t gonna sleep
I don’t wanna dream
About the things that I used to need
I ain’t gonna cry
Or go on living lies
I’m just gonna drive

Small Victories

So today I had my very first ever substantive oral argument in court.  As I wrote yesterday, I was quite anxious ahead of time, and as expected slept very poorly and had strange dreams.  (I watched House just before bed, leading to a dream in which Hugh Laurie was my judge.  But he was much nicer of a judge than House would be.  Also, I just remembered that in a different section of my dream, Hugh Laurie kissed me.  Am I crazy, or does anyone else think he’s attractive?)

The morning got off to a rocky start when the clerk handed us the judge’s tentative written ruling, and it was 100% against me.  (A bad tentative ruling is the judge’s way of saying, I’m ruling against you against you convince me otherwise.)  My heart sank, but I thought to myself, Well, if he already wants to rule against me, things can only get better!  Time to turn this thing around!  Opposing counsel (who, mind you, is a name partner at her small firm) was reading the tentative ruling smugly and smiling and whispering with her little associate who was probably my year or younger.  You’re going down, I thought.

I won’t bore all you non-lawyers with the details of my argument, but basically I convinced the judge that the other side was wrong on one of the issues, and he decided that the parties should be able to submit further briefs and do another oral argument.  When opposing counsel said “Your Honor, I’m actually leaving for vacation on Saturday,” the judge said, “Great!  You can do your brief by Friday then!”  (I have an extra week after that for mine.)  I’m sure she is sticking pins in her Little Miss Law voodoo doll as we speak.

Then, at the end, was what made my day.   As we began to pack up our things, the judge looked at me and said, “Good argument, counsel.”  I wanted to hug him!  It was like the lawyer equivalent of getting an A on an exam.

So basically, while we may still lose when the judge hears the issues again, I managed to talk my client out of a bad result today, and I actually feel like a real lawyer! 

On a final note, I just looked up Hugh Laurie online and he’s 48 years old!  Seriously?  Sheesh.

Litigation is scary.

So this week, Little Miss Law’s laptop (aka the laptop she borrowed from work a lifetime ago and never returned), has managed to become infiltrated with a number of computer viruses.  (NO, I was not looking at porn!  Sheesh!)  This means that either I blog at work, which isn’t so good for the billable hours, or I don’t blog at all.  Since I hate to leave my dear readers blogless, I wanted to write a few words before heading out.

Tomorrow marks my first ever oral argument in court.  It’s sort of late in the game for me to be doing this for the first time, but every other hearing I have been scheduled for was either decided on the briefs, or else we submitted on the Court’s tentative ruling (in other words, I drove all the way to federal court in Riverside to say “Thank you, Your Honor”).  But tomorrow will be a real live argument in front of a real live judge.  Very scary.  Cross your fingers for me!!!  My biggest fear is that the judge will ask me a question and I will say “uhhhhhh…..” and blush bright red and not be able to spit it out.  This is unlikely, since I drafted all the papers and I know my stuff, but still.  Also, I never sleep well the night before I go to court, even if it’s just for a case management conference, because I think I will oversleep my alarm.  (Luckily I have my backup, the cat alarm.  Meow!)  So tonight I expect to wake up every hour, on the hour.

In other news, the countdown to the Emmys has officially commenced!  I am recycling the same dress I wore last year (part frugality, part laziness and lack of desire to shop) but my friends and I are renting a cheap limo, so it’s going to be oh-so 80’s prom.  And while I am going to attempt to keep my celebrity stalking in check, you just never know what might happen…

What is OK to wear to court?

So I went to court today, and as always when I go to court, I learned a few new things.  However, unless you are a first-year litigation attorney, (and probably even then), I can literally hear your eyes glazing over at the prospect of a blog post about ex parte applications, the filing window, and oral arguments.  So, I’ll spare you.

Instead, I will comment on this pressing question — what the hell are some people wearing to court these days??  I think this basically every time I go to court, but today I had even more time than normal to people-watch.  The worst are the inappropriately-dressed lawyers, since they, more so than jurors or other “laypeople,” should know better….but there are some real gems among the regular folk, too.

Now, just to be clear, I am not saying that I am the pinnacle of fashion when I go to court.  To the contrary, today I felt particularly frumpy in a beige pantsuit.  If someone would have called me “ma’am” today, it may have been forgivable.  But there is a vast difference between “frumpy” and “inappropriate,” my friends!  Yes, I guess I am getting old.  *Sigh*.

Court fashion victims of the day:

1)  Woman in a white skirt suit made out of linen (very wrinkled), with her (also white) slip showing and white leather flats.  I don’t really know what to say about that, just visualize.  To her credit, from the conversation I overheard she was having, she is a summer associate, so I’m sure she’ll learn.

2)  Woman in a skin tight, off the shoulder hot pink top and black miniskirt.  Ok, so this lady was not a lawyer, but c’mon.  If you’re going to court, please at least wear something that is long enough that I don’t have to shield my eyes to avoid seeing your see you next Tuesday. 

3)  Woman in a skin-tight, sleeveless, bright yellow dress and stiletto heels.  Again, not a lawyer, but are you going to court or going flamenco dancing?

4)  And the coup de grace–by a man, no less.  Boring black suit, boring black tie, boring white shirt, boring black leather shoes…and a trucker hat with the picture of a beaver on it from Urban Outfitters.  (I know it’s from there because I have the same hat, I admit.  However, I have never once been tempted to wear it to the courthouse!)  Ok, dude, so your hair looked pretty gnarly under there, but maybe try shower in lieu of trucker cap next time?  Thanks. 

Love,

The Fashion Police 

[NOTE:  I wish I could put up a picture of the hat — maybe I’ll have to go home and photograph it.  My friend T. has the one with a picture of a cat and my friend D. has the one with a picture of a rooster].

Adventures of Little Miss Law, Part II

Yet another quiet, breezy night at my laptop while Noodles sits in the window.  Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t have a yard for him to play in (one of the many drawbacks of apartment life), but he seems to get hours of enjoyment out of sitting in the window playing “watchcat.”  Plus, he may be having his very own custom stroller made for him soon by Knittikins‘ dad — he has always been very handy, and after living with his 2 daughters for 4 years, I am practically an honorary member of the family — and if so Noodles will get a whole new view of the neighborhood!

Anyway, since my day at work today was a great big yaaaaawn (in law shows on TV you never see the lawyers doing the mundane things that I do on some days, like write case management statements or oppositions to demurrers.  If you are not a lawyer, be happy you have no idea what I’m talking about), I decided it would be a good opportunity to revisit some of the more interesting days I have had on the job in the last year 1/2.  In no particular order:

1)  One of the first cases I got put on was a construction defect case for a bigtime producer.  I got the chance to visit his house, which is “museum quality” — and that’s no joke.  It truly looked much more like a museum than a house.  My favorite part of the house was the office, where there resided the largest stuffed animal (and I don’t mean a teddy bear) I have ever seen.  It was a lion and it truly looked as though it was a real lion who was living in the jungle somewhere when it had been caught, killed and stuffed.  Ahh…what money will buy you.  (Incidentally, we just got him a big judgment, so maybe now he can get it a companion.  I think a liger would be splendid.)

2)  About a month ago, we were representing a certain athlete who I find very attractive (though short).  I got to meet him at a deposition.  The partner on the case introduced me, and as I was in the process of shaking his hand and batting my eyelashes, the partner said, “This is my colleague, Little Miss Law.  I’m trying to get her to be a [your sport] fan, but she’s not yet.”  This was a completely true statement.  This also made me want to kick him.  Way to salt my game! 

3)  My first-ever court appearance, the day after I found out about my bar results, was on a Saturday for the National Adoption Day at the children’s courthouse.  The cast of Arrested Development happened to be there, and the associate I was with announced to everyone that it was my first court appearance.  Everyone clapped and all the Arrested Development ppl shook my hand – including Henry Winkler.  I guess not everyone can say they made their first court appearance in front of the Fonz.

Those are a few of the highlights – more from the trenches upcoming!