All Growns Up, Part II

A few weeks ago, my dear friend T. (who just had her first baby who I am dying to meet!) reminded me about a post that I wrote about 3 1/2 years ago, back when Little Miss Law was just starting out. The title of the post was Babies R Not Me, and I’m sure you can imagine the subject of the post. At that time, none of my close girlfriends had babies or were trying to have babies just yet and I was still riding the wedding wave. Now, many of my close friends and co-workers have at least one child. Pregnancy, birth and babies are a frequent subject of lunch or dinner conversation with my friends. And now that I’m getting married in July, the topic of having kids has turned from “I’ll worry about that someday” to a subject that’s on my mind an awful lot.

In certain ways, I’m much more of a baby person now that I was when I wrote that post. It’s been so fun to watch my friends have kids and I love playing Auntie. Mr. Law has a niece and nephew back East and I can’t wait to officially be their aunt. I can easily imagine having kids with Mr. Law (and I admit that we’ve even discussed names we like). But where before my concerns about kids were abstract, now they have become more concrete and more worrisome.

One thing I worry about a lot is losing myself in having kids. I know (or at least, I’m told by many people including my own mom) that being a parent is one of the most extraordinary things a person can experience. On the one hand, I do want to experience that and all that comes with it. But I do know that it can be an all-consuming thing and I have noticed that it (rightfully so) becomes the number one focus of the lives of my friends with kids. But for me, I still don’t have that deep biological urge of “OMG I need a baby RIGHT NOW” and I don’t know if I’m ready to make that the focus of my life to the exclusion or minimization of all else. Mr. Law and I aren’t even married yet, and after we get married it might be nice to spend some time as newlyweds before we decide to take that leap.

Also, as much as I am conflicted about my career and where it’s heading, it has been my biggest focus (for better or worse) since graduating law school and it’s hard to think about changing that. The issue of children is one of the things that is making me question my career — it’s all fine and well to work long days and weekends when Mr. Law and I are childless and we can come home and have a late dinner together, but I don’t know how this will work if we have a family. I know I will want a more flexible schedule and I won’t want to miss all the “firsts.” On the other hand, I have the sense that people who go part-time at my firm are somewhat relegated, at least in the higher-ups’ minds, to the “mommy track.” That bothers me to no end after having dedicated so much time to my education and work life. I also worry that I will be distracted by home life at work, and by work life at home. It’s such a balancing act and I don’t know how to make it work. Mr. Law responds, “Everyone else makes it work, and so will we.” But I know a lot of unhappy lawyers and a lot of women who have left work to stay home full time (which financially is not an option for us), so I’m not so sure.

Sometimes I feel like it is a disadvantage to have waited till I am older and (ha) wiser to get married and have kids because while there is something to be said for analyzing and assessing my options, there is also something to be said for jumping in headfirst and figuring it out as you go along (instead of just dipping my toe in and deciding it’s too cold). Sometimes I think that all my worrying will just paralyze me and I need to just set it aside and think, que sera sera.

Easier said than done…

All Growns Up

I’ve had a really interesting experience over the past couple of weeks looking back over my old blog posts.  A lot of things have changed since I stopped blogging but one thing has stayed remarkably the same — I am still grappling with certain feelings about my job and my career that I’ve had since I started at the firm. As I get more senior at the firm the considerations change slightly but the overarching issues, the push-pull, the ups and downs are still there. On the one hand I like the intellectual challenge, love the people, and appreciate the stability and opportunity the firm has provided me. On good days I feel like my job allows my strengths to shine: my writing ability, or my people skills, or problem-solving. On the other hand, I often have a nagging feeling that the job isn’t quite me, not in the truest and most authentic sense. (Strangely I sometimes think I had a better sense of what I loved when I was 18 than I do at 31.) I watch the young partners at my firm who sacrifice time with their families and I don’t envy any of them. I feel like I should want to be a partner but I don’t think I do. And then I feel guilty because I know a lot of people would want my job and that I’m lucky to have it. But is that a reason to stay?

Then, of course, there are the golden handcuffs. I’ve always tried to live frugally and save money, and I never used to feel the effects of the handcuffs, but then we bought our house. I don’t regret it at all — in fact, I love love LOVE our house. There are few things I like more than cooking in our kitchen (or grilling in the backyard), eating in our dining room at our new dining table, lounging in our living room. I love our home life and I don’t want to change any part of it. But it does require that I maintain a certain income which means there’s no use dreaming about quitting without another job lined up (not that I would). It seems Little Miss Law isn’t so little anymore…suddenly I feel all growns up!

Since I realized I’ve been having these feelings for a long time, I decided to take advantage of a free career counseling program offered in connection with my undergrad. Tomorrow is my intake phone meeting and filling out the forms already gave me food for thought – for example, “what does work mean to you?” I’m hoping that if nothing else, the process might help shake me up a little bit and help me think outside the box. I love that I’m friends with so many lawyers who I can commiserate with, but not many of us have moved beyond firm life, so it might be nice to talk to someone outside this universe. This will hopefully be an interesting process and I’ll keep you posted, dear readers!

Back to the drawing board

This is how my morning started out. I had no sooner plopped myself in my desk chair at 8:45 am when the phone rang. It was a partner in my office with whom I have a good working relationship. He can be quite grumpy, but I seem to have endeared myself to him. He sort of reminds me of my grandpa.

He called me down to his office to talk about the brief I’ve been slaving over for him. Something in the tone of his voice made me realize that he was less than thrilled. And indeed, as soon as I stepped into his office he began, “You know I don’t mince words.” Oh, crap. Then he blurted it out: “I don’t like it. It needs a lot of work. I think you just need to go back to the drawing board. You need to rewrite it.” Words that I most dread hearing.

He then tried to make me feel better by 1) telling me a “war story” about a partner who used to criticize everything he did when he was a junior associate to the point that he dreaded coming to work in the morning and 2) telling me that I was “doing great.”

The real good news was, though, that as we started to go through the brief it became apparent that I wouldn’t need to go back to the drawing board — most of what he wanted was already there, it just needed to be retooled and re-framed. I breathed a big internal sigh of relief. It also occurred to me that I think I have a lot thicker skin than I used to. When I was younger I would cry at the drop of a hat and it was very hard for me to take criticism. But today, the criticism didn’t bother me because I knew it was coming from a good place, and that it will help me be a better lawyer. (If he were a screamer, that would be another story entirely).

At any rate, I am looking forward to 5 straight days of NO WORK. I’m flying up to Oregon to be with my family for the holidays and this time, unlike over Thanksgiving, I am bringing NO WORK with me!! I will be busy next week, but until then, it can wait. I need the R&R.

Another interesting thing this week. I wrote a few months ago about seeing A. for the first time since we broke up, and since then we have hung out several times and are buddies again. (In fact, he called me tonight and wants my advice, so we are having lunch next week.) That first time I saw him again, I expected it to be so hard, but instead I just had the feeling of “Huh – I used to really be into this guy.”

Well, I had that same experience this week with the guy I dated a few months back. He stopped by to drop off some of my things, and I was sort of dreading it. We have been emailing casually, but he had still been in my head more than I wanted to admit. I think when I’m not dating somebody, the tendency is to want to reminisce about the most recent person I dated. Anyway, he came by, and instead of feeling sad or wistful or flustered, I just got that same feeling of “Huh.” It was as if a switch went off and I was suddenly 100% over it — I still feel friendly towards him but that’s all.

And that is this week’s reminder that things really do fall into place just as they should, dear readers.

Noodles and I are off to bed … one more day of work and then leaving on a jet plane! I may blog while I’m in Oregon if the mood strikes…

The Eleventh Wheel

Another weekend is coming to an end, dear readers, and I thought I’d wrap it all up with a blog. Overall it was a pretty mellow weekend. I had to work part of the day yesterday and for a couple of hours today, but other than that I enjoyed the 4th annual cookie party with my former roommates, catching up on Netflix (Waitress and Superbad), reading (I am halfway through Saving Fish from Drowning) and, of course, my firm’s holiday party.

The holiday party was very nice–beautiful location, nice cocktail hour and appetizers, a meal, dancing. I love my co-workers, and the speeches were good (in particular one partner who had the crowd roaring with laughter – I literally had tears streaming down my face, I was laughing so hard). But still, I admit I didn’t exactly have fun. And I hate to say this, because I don’t want to be “that” whiny single person, but, well…frankly, it sort of sucks being a single in a sea of couples. For part of the night I was able to ignore the fact and even enjoy being a solo agent. During cocktail hour I wandered around and chatted with people, and felt sort of relieved to just be able to do my own thing. One funny thing about the night was that I was driving, so I only had 1/2 a glass of wine over the course of the whole night. My co-workers, on the other hand…not so much. Even my boss, when I was chatting with him toward the end of the night, was noticeably slurring his speech. People were getting very confessional with me, and I was just sort of nodding and humoring them.

Anyway, when my singleness became really noticeable was when we moved into the ballroom for the sit-down portion of the evening. There was no assigned seating, so people started grabbing up spots. Each table had 10 seats at it. Some of the girls I really like in my department encouraged me to come sit with them…but there were 10 seats, 5 couples already sitting there. One of my co-workers’ boyfriends went and stole a chair from another table so I could join them. This, of course, meant that I ended up stealing someone else’s napkin and fork, too. And at one point as I was eating my bloody prime rib and I looked around at everyone whispering conversation with ther spouse or boyfriend, I thought, Dear God, I’m the ELEVENTH WHEEL! (Actually, in the party as a whole I was probably the hundred-and-eleventh wheel, but who’s counting?)

After dinner I was literally dragged up on the dance floor by the arm, by my friend’s fiance. I danced while it was a group, but after a while, nobody was dancing in groups, just in couples, and I found myself weaving around on the dance floor among all the oblivious couples. If it had been a movie, everything would have been slow motion and there certainly would have been some sad song playing in the background. Soon afterward, I decided to leave, over the protests of my (tipsy) co-workers. One of my friends actually came running after me and was like, “Stay! You can drink, we can take a cab back later!” I begged off — it was sweet of her, but I was tired and done with the evening. I think maybe she was worried about me, and it would have taken too much effort to explain, “This isn’t fun, but it’s not the end of the world — I’d just rather be home in my PJs right now.”

I was talking to my college friend K. on the phone today — she is recently single after a long time on-again-off-again relationship with a guy who, in my opinion, sounded like no good. K. is one of the most spirited and outgoing, fun-loving people I know, so I think she’s a good single role model. I was talking to her about the fact that I love my girlfriends, but that most of them are married or pseudo-married and therefore not often available for or interested in girls’ nights or girls’ vacations. On Saturday night, after working a good chunk of the day, I felt like I wanted to go out. But I knew that my friends would be otherwise occupied with their men, so I opted for Netflix. To give a larger-scale example, I love to travel and would love to plan some little trips out of town, or bigger trips. But I can’t get anyone to go with me, either because they are saving time/money to travel with their BFs/spouses, or are saving money in general. Sometimes I feel like, what’s the use in working hard and making money if I don’t get to do the things I want to do? I was thinking about just saying screw it and taking a solo weekend trip in January, but I know myself and I’d probably just end up feeling sad and annoyed that I spent money to be in a different city alone – I can do that here!

Anyway, K. told me that when she was single a while ago, she started affirmatively trying to meet other single girls when she went out. I think maybe cultivating some new friendships would be a good thing for me…but then again, if I’m too busy at work to go out and meet new men, how am I going to meet new women? I guess it would be an interesting experiment to see which would be easier – finding a new guy, or finding a new girlfriend? Hmmm.

K. also told me something last time we talked that I really identify with. She said that she would be more fine with being single if she knew that she would eventually meet the right person. She wouldn’t need to know how or when – but just that she would meet him at some point. That’s sort of how I feel now. It’s not that being on my own is that bad day to day. But what bothers me is thinking that this could be how it is…indefinitely. I can bear being a little lonely now. I don’t know if I can bear this being the norm. I guess it’s all about attitude. Maybe I just need to buck up.

At any rate, dear readers, I hadn’t intended to write such a whiny post tonight! More sunny things next time, I swear…

Fa la la la la

Today, dear readers, I truly dived right into the holiday spirit. In addition to the holiday decor I already bought last weekend, I am now also the proud owner of a 7 1/2 foot tall artificial tree with white lights. My parents even sent me all my childhood Christmas ornaments, since they don’t use them anymore. It looks quite lovely, if I do say so myself. Even Noodles doesn’t mind it, after an initial freak-out when I lugged in the giant box — though I am a bit concerned since he seems to like to chew on the ends of the branches. And who knows what he does when I’m not here?

On a side note, I momentarily contemplated taking a photo of Noodles and me, perhaps in Santa hats, to send out as holiday cards this year. On the one hand, that is a definite entry into serious crazy cat lady territory. On the other hand, anyone who I’m going to be sending a personal holiday card to already knows about my CCL tendencies, so does it really matter? Maybe it’d be funny….?

Today I also got a lot of my Christmas shopping out of the way. Don’t get me wrong. I love shopping for other people. The problem is that it’s often hard for me to come up with the perfect gift — especially if I wait until 2 weeks before Christmas, as is usually the case. The other problem is that I see tons of stuff that I want for myself! (I showed enormous restraint today and did not purchase anything for me!) Things on my wish list include: sweater dress to wear with my new boots (I saw some gorgeous cashmere ones today at Bebe, but they were way too pricey); spa products at Blue Mercury; an electric skillet; anything and everything at Williams Sonoma; Scrabble board game…the list goes on. Of course, these are all things I can buy for myself, but for the next couple of weeks, me-shopping is off limits! After Christmas I can either buy the things myself or drop hints to my friends for my B-day (in January). Anyway, for today I found some good gifts and I didn’t spend way too much, as I am known to do when shopping under pressure, so it was a successful day.

This coming Friday is my firm’s holiday party, and it will be my 4th year attending it. The party is held at a beautiful hotel, and it’s really a lovely event. It’s the one time in the year that everyone — attorneys, staff, signifcant others — come together and celebrate. They announce who made partner and recognize people who have been at the firm for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc. Everyone is always in good spirits and looking fantastic. I have a cute strapless black dress and new shoes to wear, so I’m all set. The one thing I hope will feel ok is not having a date. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I am one of only a handful of single people in my entire firm. The first two years I went to the party, I was with my ex-fiance; last year A. and I were dating clandestinely, so we were both there but not officially “together,” though we sat together at dinner. So this is my first year going truly solo. But I expect it’ll be fun as always — I find that I do well when I can do my own thing and not have to try to entertain someody else, especially with work people, who I love, so I think it’ll be a good time.

I’m feeling so holiday-ish, I wish I didn’t have 2 1/2 more weeks to wait! Enjoy the rest of your weekend, dear readers!

At least he didn’t shoot the messenger…

This week, dear readers, I seem to have a lot of law fodder for the blog, since mostly all I’ve been doing this week is working!  Those of you who enjoy the “Law” part of Little Miss Law are in luck; those of you who enjoy something juicier will just have to wait until I emerge from my bubble and (maybe) have a life again.

 I had an endless morning in court today.  The judge’s calendar started at 8:30 am.  Since I was filing an ex parte application (which means you file it the same day, so the court doesn’t have advance notice) I was at the tail end of the calendar.  Some judges are speedy and just whip through their calendars.  Not so this judge.  If he were in the fable about the Tortoise and the Hare, he would make the tortoise look like a frickin’ racehorse. 

To top it all off, once it was almost 1:00 pm, he finally called our case.  Two minutes later, we were headed out the door, him having just DENIED my application to continue the trial date.  It sucks to lose in court.  It sucks even worse when the motion isn’t even opposed.  (I won’t go into that.)  But the judge said we can give it another go if we submit a declaration from our client explaining exactly why he’s going to be out of town when the trial was going to be.  “This sounds like a vacation,” observed the judge.

As it turns out, it was a vacation (which I didn’t know at the time, the partner having refused for some reason to answer my questions about this) and now, guess who gets to go in next week armed with a declaration from our client that says “sorry, I haven’t taken a vacation in a year and a half and I forgot to tell my lawyers that my wife scheduled it”?  Who is going to once again go down in flames?  Yes, yes, that would be yours truly.  Today the judge was surprisngly “measured” (opposing counsel’s description) with me, saying that he didn’t want to “shoot the messenger,” but if & when I go back again as the messenger, I have a feeling I will take a big ol’ shot. 

Sigh.

Anyway, the upside of this whole thing is that the morning calendar in court was, for the most part, highly entertaining.  I could regale you with loads of stories – but any of you law nerds can put in a special request for that.  For now, I’ll just say that I saw some of the most atrocious lawyering I have ever seen.  And not just bad arguments — though there was plenty of that — but more fundamental mistakes like not listening to the actual questions the judge was asking (and so saying something totally unresponsive), interrupting the judge, and being generally, blithely unaware of the times when there was practically smoke coming out of the judge’s ears and he looked like he wanted to punch somebody.   As lawyers know, law school teaches you little to nothing about real lawyering.  Well, I think that a lot of lawyers (and people in general of course, but I’ll pick on lawyers for the moment) just need a seminar in good old fashioned people skills.  Seriously, people.

My favorite hearing was about whether a lawyer should be sanctioned by the court.  The facts were this:  the case was set to start trial this past Tuesday the 27th.  In a pre trial conference the lawyer (defense counsel) told the court that he had another trial in Burbank the same day, but that it might settle.  All last week before Thanksgiving, plaintiff’s counsel called defense counsel to find out whether the trial was going on, to find out if he had to have his 3 witnesses for the first day of trial fly out from the East Coast on Monday.  Defense counsel doesn’t tell plaintiff’s counsel until 4 pm on Monday that no, the Burbank case hadn’t settled so the witnesses didn’t need to come.  Of course, by then the witnesses were already flying in.

There was a whole dispute about who told who what, and when, and on not one, not two, but many occasions, defense counsel had the audacity to say “English isn’t my first language, Your Honor, but…”  What really sent the judge over the edge was when defense counsel remarked, “Your Honor, these witnesses didn’t really need to fly out, this was just grandstanding to pressure my client into settlement.”  I honestly saw the judge make a subtle movement forward as though inspired to leap over and tackle the attorney.  Instead, he told defense counsel firmly that the statement was “not to his credit,” picked up his pen and started writing.   And writing.  And writing.  For what seemed like an eternity, you could hear a pin drop in the courtroom as the judge wrote out his order.  Finally, he stopped writing and read the order aloud.  Bottom line: the attorney had to pay the other party over $6000 to cover the witnesses’ travel expenses.

Moral of the story:  1)  Return your phone calls.  2)  When the judge looks like he wants to kill you, keep your mouth shut.

I promise you more fun stories in the coming days, dear readers!  Happy almost-Friday!

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Before getting to the meat of the post, dear readers, I just had to share this comic that my dad called and told me about tonight:

The only thing that confuses me is…does this mean that Little Miss Law isn’t a published author????

Anyway, today I experienced for only the 3rd time in my career the joy that is mediation. As you lawyers and non-lawyers alike probably understand, civil litigation is…well, not exactly warm and fuzzy. In the best case scenario, the relationship between the plaintiffs and defendants’ counsel is cordial; in the worst-case scenario, it’s World War III. Or there is the lethal combination — nice to each others’ faces with a vicious letter-writing campaign. (It’s much easier to be nasty in a letter when you have time to think about what snarky, well-phrased thing you want to say.) In this adversarial environment, mediation creates that glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the parties may overcome their disdain or outright hatred of each other and come to some sort of agreement.

Most cases settle before they get to trial; but most cases get very close to trial or arbitration before settling. In our case, there was a mediation provision in the purchase agreement, so absolutely nothing has happened in the case apart from us filing the complaint. In this type of situation, the chances of settlement at this point are slim. In our case, the chances were virtually non-existent. Our mediation brief asked for hundreds of thousands of dollars; the other side’s mediation brief threatened a malicious prosecution action and sanctions against us. Even our mediator, a seasoned retired judge who successfully mediated a different case for our (difficult and unruly) client, told us that when he read the briefs, he said to himself, “Oh, shit.”

Isn’t that encouraging?

Suffice it to say, we spent the morning in separate rooms with the mediator shuttling back and forth, spending about 15 minutes total (if that) discussing the case with us and the remaining time trying to soften us up — chatting about anything and everything. He couldn’t get the parties to settle today, but to his credit, he would probably have had an easier time if we had asked him to preside over the Middle East peace talks. The other side’s generous offer in the mediation brief was to “allow” us to walk away and waive their malicious prosecution claims. After the mediation, their generous offer basically changed to “F— off, see you at the arbitration.” (As they trot off to seek sanctions.) Now that’s what I call progress.

Does anyone have any fun mediation stories to share?

It’s My Job, And I’ll Whine if I Want To

After my panic attack at work a couple of weeks ago, I have still been incredibly busy, but somewhat more calm. (Perhaps it’s just that I’m too busy to do more than just try to keep my head above water? Hmm.) I am still considering all my life options, but since I know I’m not going to be moving jobs or cities in the immediate future, I can relax and just keep my mind and eyes open.

One thing keeping my feet planted is that a case I’m on is going to jury trial in March, and I’m excited about that, so I know I need to stick around till then. Perhaps the fact that I am so excited about the prospect of choosing a jury, using a jury consultant, etc means I should stay Little Miss Law after all?…

In any event, at times when I’m feeling very burnt out and uninspired, it helps to know that I’m not alone. In that vein, I was amused by an article in my favorite blawg today about a poll taken that revealed that associates at big law firms are actually happy, and the follow-up comments on the truthiness or not of this finding. I can’t try to do the article justice, but the comments to it are particularly entertaining (and, as is always the case on this particular blawg, very snarky. And we wonder why us lawyers aren’t more beloved).

The commenters, among other things, say that law firm associates who complain about their jobs are basically big ol’ whining babies, since they are getting paid outrageously to do a cushy job. One commenter said that associates who went straight from college into law school are the biggest whiners of all.

Sure, call me a whiner. That’s fine. At least I’m not alone.

This past weekend I spent time with my best friend M. for the last time before she moves to England! We had a fantastic time — went to the movies (is there anyone hotter than Clive Owen, particularly as a pirate?), she made me some of her organic cooking, we dressed up for Halloween and went out, and we went to Santa Barbara for the day. When we were in SB, we stopped at a cute coffee shop to get some chai and ask for directions since we went the wrong way on State Street. I looked around at the people on their laptops and I thought how much I would love to be a free lance writer, and have my laptop be my only office. Of course, I know what an uphill battle that would be, but it’s fun to imagine myself as the next Carrie Bradshaw. Dear readers, do you know anyone who has actually lived a seemingly farfetched dream?

And, to top this off before I head to bed, something to make me and my compatriots feel better about our jobs, a quote from a reader of the above article:

“As a Naval Officer I worked twice as hard and earned one third as much money as I do as a 1st year associate in BigLaw. They actually let me sit down here when I am doing my work at 2 in the morning. That makes me happy.”

Yes…it could definitely be worse. Hold on a moment while I scratch “Naval Officer” off my wish list.

Have a Happy Halloween, dear readers!

Little Miss ???

Today, dear readers, I had the closest thing to a panic attack that I have ever experienced. After realizing that I may have screwed something up at work and that any helpful paper trail had been routinely deleted from my email without me printing them, I closed myself in my office, tried not to puke/cry, and remembered why office buildings like mine don’t have windows that open.

This isn’t the first time that I have made a mistake at work. It’s not the first time that I have freaked out, imagined my imminent termination, etc. I admit that I tend to have a flair for the dramatic. (Who, moi?) But this was the first time that I stopped and thought, Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?

Books and movies are replete with tales of women who leave their grueling, stressful law jobs, find their calling as a housekeeper/dog walker etc, become relaxed and tan and happy and fit, meet a dream man, and walk off happily into the sunset, law degree be damned. (See In Her Shoes and The Undomestic Goddess, for example.)

In real life, choices are hardly so cut-and-dried. Taken from one angle, my job is downright cushy. It pays well, I love my co-workers, I get good perks, it’s challenging. Relative to other law firms, my hours are good. On the other hand, relative to the non-law world, my job is stressful, the hours are long, and I have little to no control over my schedule. What has really come to bother me is the constant state of anxiety I find myself in. I wake up in the morning with an aching jaw from grinding my teeth all night. As soon as I open my eyes I am stressed about the day ahead. At night, I can’t stop thinking about work. And so it goes.

I know that a lot of people don’t like their jobs. But I have to say that my fellow lawyer friends seem to be particularly unhappy. And sometimes I wonder, is it worth it? Is it right to say, well, it could be worse?

I think I’m in a rough spot right now, too, because I have no one to “come home to” (besides Noodles, of course). Though I am coming to terms with being on my own, on days like today, when I am stressed and unhappy and emotionally exhausted, it is very helpful to talk to my parents and friends, and I do — but part of me just craves that intimacy of being with someone who will put their arms around me and comfort me just by being there.

Tonight as I drove home, Mom and I talked about the big picture of my career and my life. She told me that she thinks I need to focus, not just on what job I want, but on what life I want — where do I want to live, what kind of hours do I want to keep, who do I want to date. If only I knew the answers to any of these questions! Per Mom’s suggestion, I am going to start journaling privately about it, which I think will help. But there are so many X factors.

Does anyone want to pay me to blog? Anyone?

To be continued…

Beatles, Bonsai Trees and more Blogginess

Today in Los Angeles, dear readers, felt like the beginning of winter, with all its damp chilly fogginess. I wore my favorite chunky sweater to fend off the cold, and I confess that right about 3 pm (siesta time), I took advantage of having my own office, put my head down and took a 15 minute nap. (I woke up with a small sleep line on my face and a dead arm, but it sure helped me get through the rest of the day!)

This weekend was very pleasant — I got to catch up with several of my friends, catch up on my movie watching, and catch up on my sleep. Best of all, I spent not a single moment doing work! Yesterday I saw Across the Universe, which I am now recommending to everybody I know–and not just because I am now a little in love with Jim Sturgess (which I am). The music is (of course) fantastic, the visuals are adventurous and creative, and the acting is quite good. All in all, it was a ver enjoyable 2 1/2 hours. Warnings: if you cannot handle the extreme cheeziness inherent in musicals, you should take a pass — since this one takes that to a whole new level (aka, a musical set to Beatles music whose main characters are named Jude and Lucy. No, not kidding.)

In other news, my new favorite blawg, Above the Law, keeps reporting (not once, not twice, but three times now) about Sullivan & Cromwell sending bonsai trees to the summer associates it’s recruiting. Now, I may be biased in favor of my firm, and it may be because I am capable of killing any kind of plant imaginable (Noodles survives only because he can meow), but I think that my firm gave the best recruiting gift I received or heard of: a big, gorgeous muffin basket. I distinctly remember when the basket arrived and my then-roommates’ eyes lit up with the realization that my interviewing was to their benefit. (We also received a tin of cookies from a competing firm and a couple of mugs that I still use. I tried to hold out longer to see if maybe I’d get hooked up with some fancy gadgets, but no such luck.)

Noodles is by my side, begging me to put down the computer and relax. Till tomorrow, dear readers, keep warm!